One Piece RP - Race to the Grand Line

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 Ash Deathwing Reaper

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PostSubject: Ash Deathwing Reaper   Mon Aug 06, 2012 4:03 pm

Name: Ash ''DeathWing'' Reaper
Age: 18


Species: Human

Occupation: Assassin

Allegiance: Pirate

Home Village/Ocean: GrandLine

Appearance: he wears a black shirt with a red jacket with a black line down each sleeve and red trousers with a lighting bolt on each leg,he had brown messy hair and one crystal purple eye and a red eye

History: he used to be a prince but due to his evil family he ran away and his life was saved by a rich man called Alexander, Alexander was like the Father Ash never had, Alexander also taught Ash in the way of the sword. But two years after meeting Alexander was assassinated, Ash now is try's to find the assassin while being a assassin himself.

Personality: little humors,smart and persuasive

Ship: currently not on a ship

Ship Flag: N/A

Devil Fruit:

Special Abilities: his red eye make's him able to freeze people to the spot

Learned Techniques (Keep it 1-25): two sword style

Attacks:Shadow Step:1 minuet of increased speed so Ash's opponent can't see him

Dark Pulse:Ash put's his hand to his opponents chest and releases a large amount of energy into his opponent

Razor Pinball:Ash holds out his swords and start's to roll forward until he look's like a purple ball that can bounce around and hit

Bloodshot: Ash's opponent is fixed to the spot as long as Ash remain's eye contact

BloodStrike:Ash use's some of his blood to send a deadly beam into his opponent

DeathWave:Ash send's waves of energy around him

Weapons/Items:two katanas

Goals: to be known through put all the blues

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Posts : 1550
Join date : 2011-04-11
Age : 23

PostSubject: Re: Ash Deathwing Reaper   Tue Aug 07, 2012 12:26 pm

Ok, this isn't going to work. Appearance needs AT LEAST two more lines, be descriptive. History needs more into it as well, you need to at least quadruple its thickness before it can even be reviewed, as well include a reason for his high bounty. Personality needs to be a paragraph, at least as long as the appearance if not more, and not a short list of features. His special ability has no origin and makes no sense, either explain how and why he can do that or forget about it, and the same goes for that "energy" you're using in your techniques, this isn't a DBZ RP site.
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